I am shocked at the level of depravity of in many men and women’s character when it reaches a certain level of toxicity, but I am disgusted by none other more than my own soul when it reaches such a toxic degree. (This is writing ongoing examining social phenomenon on a spiritual level).
Are we all prepared to face ourselves? I write this not only for me. I believe that in my healing myself, that I may serve as a beacon to those others who have lived through such ‘possession’ of ‘Wetiko’ or call it what you will. (This is a real phenomenon and while I do also have an intense personality at times by rule, I also have at times had a low spiritual guard, and have been very stricken by this unfortunate and curious ghost of the air, to be almost too ephemeral, I digress).
[This is a good faith effort at real healing, please bear with me if this is not your jam – for several this is not where you are and you are way ahead up the ladder, call it what you will, but here I am and this really is important to me – I must continue to change for the better – for my self, for us all – I recognize this in me as I can see it around me as well – I am always for change, for standing up 8 times after falling 7, and to fail less each time, I believe is the notion].
Maybe we CAN guide this Sphere back in to balance. I am sick to DEATH of being annoying and coarse. [VULGAR – no good!] I – am – sweet and caring and considerate and kind. My mind is just torn a bit asunder. And I cannot allow it to affect others negatively anymore.
I must move the tragedy from my life in to my art. This isn’t a plea. This is a mission statement.
All of us need to work together to and through a dialogue ongoing to RAISE the LEVEL of DISCOURSE. I for one hold myself accountable in this. Should I fail once more in this, shame on me. Then I shall suppose I shall have to try again, but of course the point is to live in such an honest way, as I am here, and to openly acknowledge I want to heal. I am trying to heal. I am not interested in the energies nor opinions which only serve to disagree.
I only ask that if you are reading this, take my meaning well. I am acutely aware that we are all judged by the deepest part of our highest self and that we are all connected and just like there are those who seek to profit through perpetual human suffering there are those who seek to spread evil.
By lowering our spiritual vanguard, we become open to evil. For this primitive current to be unleashed by a lack of understanding our selves, the nature of parasites, and the need to be spiritually vigilant, at least in so far as, how to say, improving your participation in the energy pool.
Sorry of course is paranoid and paralyzed, so I can’t say at all that this is anything more than that I need to hold myself accountable for being HONEST with myself WHO I AM. And I do want to be a healer, a healed person, and all I can do right now is chronicle these events with an honest and open a way as possible in search of understanding and modification, transformation – and I hope/work to manifest a world where I am a purposefully useful player in the cosmic game, where you hear my name and smile, and how I chose to provide real value to any community, virtual or in real life, and that I do become a balanced person who is in control of his own shadow and light side, both in this world and the dream world, and that I truly am useful to helping others feel wonder, or learning something new, or to be more whole and balanced…
Coz I’m sure sick of being anything less. It’s really hurting me to be a burden to others. I’m being very vulnerable writing this, but I have to. I’m trying to live more in the tradition of Big Ed from Twin Peaks, to be more stoic, peaceable, and just a genuinely friendly good person, in that regard I speak of Cooper or Big Ed or non-drunk Ed. Read me. Non-drunk Ed.
Look for a post coming soon in which I detail some early origins of my life. It’s time I talk about this. And it’s time I put away childish, ignorant behavior. If you are a light worker and you are reading this, I could really use some advice, good intentions, and loving kindness and compassion – so mote it be.